


Duvet

by dia_dove



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, M/M, this is sad i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 22:43:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17333786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dia_dove/pseuds/dia_dove
Summary: A  drabble for 2019 Banana Fish Angst Week





	Duvet

**Author's Note:**

> A quick drabble written for Banana Fish angst week.  
> Day 1: Forget

Ash stands in emptiness, his body surrounded by darkness. He feels heavy, tired. His eyes barely opening as the outline of a figure appears before him. It’s only a silhouette but it’s there nonetheless, and Ash is unsure why. He hardly understands where he is, though...he has his assumptions.

What could he recall? Walking. Wind. A letter. Waiting. Someone was waiting for him?

His eyes open fully. “Eiji.” His own voice surprises him. It sounds...distorted. Unlike his own. As though it is both close and so very far at the same time. “Eiji!” He repeats the name, this time louder. A pain in middle ceases his movements.

Ah...that’s right. Letter...waiting...library...pain…

The knife hadn’t killed him. No, if anything his death had been at his own hands. “You’re safe now.” Ash tilts his head back, sucking in air and smiling. “I’m sorry.” If only he could say that.

“You’re sorry?” His words are thrown back at him by a familiar voice.

Ash spins around so fast he nearly falls. The figure was behind him now, this time clearer in form.

“Eiji?!”

“Ash…” The figure smiles softly and Ash reaches out.

“Are you...are you—”

“I’m not him. I’m not your Eiji.”

Ash retreats his hand. Of course it’s not him. By now, Eiji is probably on the plane. Probably sleeping away on a full belly of plane food. He remembers Eiji telling him how much he liked it. How he would even eat Ibe’s leftovers too.

“Who are you?”

No response, just another smile.

“Are you death?”

The ‘Eiji’ shakes his head. “No, Ash. I’m not death. I’m not the devil or god. I’m something else.”

The blond laughs. “Well shit. I didn’t know I was so special as to receive a welcoming party.”

“You’re in pain.”

“No. No I’m not. I’m free. Finally free and...he’s safe. I’ve never been happier.”

“There is no truth here that I don’t know.” The form steps closer. He hates how much it looks like him. Soft eyes, mischievous smile, and a gentle stance that make Ash want to fall into his embrace. But it’s not him. It’s not Eiji.

“What they hell do you want me to say huh? It’s done. Everything is over. No more.”

The form cocks his head to the side, brows furrowing.

“What? Don’t look at me like that.”

Silence.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m hurting? I’m not. The pain is gone. The fear is gone.”

“You’re dead, Ash. The pain doesn’t stop when you die. I—”

Ash laughs. In the face of this being he laughs. “You think I care? You think I actually care about my life when he—” He bites his bottom lip, turning away for a moment. But the words bubble back up. He faces the ‘eiji’. “I would not change a moment. I would die a hundred deaths, a THOUSAND deaths if it would keep him safe. I am not afraid. I am not in pain. If anything I’m fucking happy.” He throws his hands up. “No more guns, no more blood. No more ra— no more rape. This is peace when you live every day dying.”

“Until you met him.”

The statement hits him hard. Images of Eiji flash before his eyes. “He deserves the world.”

“You were the world.”

Ash feels tears. They sting his eyes and he wipes them with the back of his sleeve.

“Didn’t you read the letter?”

“Of course I read it!” Ash snaps, stepping forward and grabbing the false Eiji by the collar. “I read it. Every word.” 

“Yet here you are.” The smile the passes the form’s lips is full of pity. “Why?”

“I told you! To protect him!”

“Didn’t you want to go to Japan?”

“I’ve never wanted anything more! Don’t you think I fucking wanted to!” his voice cracks. “But I couldn’t. I couldn’t put him so close to death again.”

“Didn’t you want to escape. To be free with him. Didn’t Max tell you your past doesn’t defin—”

“My past wants to kill me. To kill everyone I love. I couldn’t take that risk.”

“He loved you.”

“He’ll love again.”

“Didn’t you love him?”

Ash shoves him aside, Narrows his gaze and points. “You’re asking me that? How can you. I gave up everything for you! Everything! I would move the world if it meant keeping you safe. You deserve to be happy.”

“How can I be happy without you?”

And for that moment, Ash forgets that this is not Eiji. He rushes forward and embraces the man he loves. Squeezes him as tightly as he can against his frame.

“I’m sorry, Eiji. Please I’m so sorry. I wish there was another way. But it was all I could do. It was all I could do to make the pain stop.” Tears streak his cheeks, his cries fill the empty void around him.

Eiji returns the embrace. ”The pain doesn’t stop when you die, Ash. It only transfers to those who love you most. I...Eiji will hurt. He will cry when no one is looking. He will fall into a darkness that not even your memory can pull him out of. He will break and break until he can’t take it anymore. Until he falls asleep forever, clutching your image in hand with a stomach full of sleeping pills.”

“No.” Ash shakes his head furiously. “No I won’t allow it. I can’t. Not Eiji, please. I’ll do anything.” He doesn’t let himself imagine it. He doesn’t want to see him broken. This isn’t what he wants at all.

“Don’t cry.” It pats his back. “I’ll fix it. I’ll make sure he forgets. I’ll make sure they all forget.”

Forget? Eiji would forget him? All they’ve been through? No. No. No. No.

“It’s the only way.”

“But I…” He thinks of the letter. “I love him.”

“And he loves you. Which is why it has to be like this.”

Ash’s body goes limp. Was there ever any way for this to work? Was there ever any hope for them? Love wasn’t enough. Sacrifice wasn’t enough. Maybe to forget was the only way... And maybe Ash could forget too…

.

.

.

Eiji’s eyes open full of tears, his hand reaching out as a foreign name falls from his lips in a scream. He grabs at air, trying desperately to hold onto something fading beyond his grasp. He sweats, breath heavy as he places a hand over his beating heart.

Eiji feels sick, he bolts from his bed over to his bathroom where he empties the contents of his stomach. He can’t stop crying. Can't stop the uncontrollable sobbing.

Was it a dream? A nightmare?

He can’t seem to remember...

 


End file.
